You're not alone if you find yourself more stressed during this "most wonderful time of the year".
In a report shared by the American Psychological Society (APA), 38% of people said they feel more stress during the holidays; only 8% said their stress levels decreased during the holidays. Before we take a look at the Top 10 causes for holiday stress and tips for managing each one; it is important to realize that this will only be a brief glimpse into what has and will continue to be topics complex enough on their own to fill bookshelves.
Too many To-Do's - Work/Life/Holiday Balance
While the work/life balance can be tricky enough to feel like you have a grasp on, adding in the additional holiday to-do's can be the tipping point for many an already full plate.
Helpful Tips:
Recognize whether you are going into the holidays with an already maxed out life. If it feels like that, spend some time reaffirming your values. Then begin making choices on how you spend your time and how it reflects those values.
Plan some vacation time around the seasons of life that would benefit you the most.
Set boundaries with your time. It's ok to say, "no".
Start early and make your time count. Consider making priority lists, using calendars and planners, or journaling ways you can find balance and do the things you want to do.
Check out my favorite Brain Dump Planner.
Too costly - Financial Strain
When you consider the cost of gifts, food, travel, decorations, and on and on... it’s no wonder nearly half of people surveyed named financial concerns as their main source of holiday stress. This can weigh especially heavy on women who are expected or expect it of themselves to create the perfect holiday experience for their families.
Helpful Tips:
Use your values to help make wise financial decisions.
Create a budget, prior to the holidays, and stick to it.
Start saving for that budget throughout the year.
Create traditions that do not require a financial obligation.
Reduce your exposure to marketing advertising and impulse shopping.
Too Idealistic - The Should's
“A lot of our stress during the holidays can come from the ‘shoulds’—our expectation of what the holidays should look like, how we should feel, and what we should be doing to celebrate,” Dr. Joe Grasso. “But often those expectations can set us up for unhelpful anxiety and unneeded disappointment when things don’t look picture-perfect.” This season can feel like a marathon. How do you want to feel at the end of it? Worn out and broken down or refreshed and refueled?
Helpful Tips:
Evaluate your current expectations and make any changes so that they are realistic.
Prioritize based on your values. It's ok to say "no".
Use your anxiety toolkit to manage any unhelpful feelings of anxiety.
Give to yourself the gift of things like: rest, exercise, compassion, & breathing/prayer time.
Too conflictual - Family Conflict
Over half (53 percent) of people surveyed named family time as the best thing about the holiday season. However, when there is friction or challenging family dynamics there is a ripple effect felt amongst the family. Weather, travel, hosting, and having people in your home that are not usually there can also add to the complexity of conflict within the family.
Helpful Tips:
Set boundaries. Be clear, assertive, and kind in the way you communicate your expectations.
Pause and give yourself time to respond instead of reacting. While you can't control others, you can control how you respond.
Choose to offer the "most generous interpretation" of that frustrating comment, that look, or that attitude from that person. Try to not go straight to the negative or harshly mind-read what you think was intended.
Pick your battles. Let it go, if you can. If you can't, cool down before any conversation is had and use your conflict resolution strategies toolkit.
Too painful - Loss and Grief
You may be celebrating the season without your life partner or without someone you never thought you'd do this life without. Activities, traditions, even certain songs, scents, or places may trigger pain.
Helpful Tips:
It's ok to not be "feeling it" this year. You don't have to force yourself to be happy.
Think about how you like to feel most supported and don't keep those a secret. Tell your family and friends so that they can come alongside you in the ways you need.
Watch for signs of depression.
Reduce the urge to compare with anyone or anything.
Create a support system (family, friends, a local support group, therapist, church, etc.)
Too much winter - Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Seasonal affective disorder is a type of depression that occurs cyclically as winter approaches. Symptoms can appear during fall and can include sadness, loss of interest in activities, low energy, sleeping changes, trouble concentrating, and more. Since depression zaps our energy this type of disorder feels even more amplified when we go into the holiday season with more on our to-do lists.
Helpful Tips:
Talk to a medical professional about what you are experiencing.
Consider treatments like light therapy, talk therapy, and getting outside on sunny days.
Ramp up your self-care routine.
Do the things that used to bring you joy even if you don't feel like it. (Success is in the doing.)
Too many triggers - Over the Edge
Whether it is the holiday party with the open bar that pushes your struggle with alcoholism over the edge, the all you can eat food exposure that pushes your struggle with eating over the edge, or the after Christmas clearance deals that pushes your struggle with money management over the edge; tis the season for triggers.
Helpful Tips:
Know your own personal triggers and be realistic.
Develop healthy coping skills for your triggers.
Create a plan, in advance, to either avoid your triggers or cope with them. (Trusting yourself to have good self-control should not be your primary plan.)
Surf the urge when you feel those feelings coming on.
Use your support system.
Too Lonely - Loneliness
Celebrating a season of gatherings, parties, events, and activities can feel lonely when you don't have close family or friends to share in those experiences. This may be because of proximity, loss, conflict, logistics, singleness or diverse religious views.
Helpful Tips:
Make a plan. Reduce the urge to doing nothing by making a plan to do something for yourself or for others.
Find ways to engage or connect with others. (volunteer, attend church, sign up to participate in an activity, go on a cruise, cover work shifts, etc.)
Use technology to engage or connect with others.
Take the first step to text, call, or visit.
Too much everything - Overstimulated
You may be a highly sensitive person and all of the sights, sounds, and smells of the season send you longing for the calm, quiet of your casa. Your role of partner, parent, friend, or family member may bring with it a set of expectations that are not conducive to your comfort level. Being highly sensitive has its strengths and challenges.
Helpful Tips:
Know your limits (challenges) and set boundaries. It's ok to say "no".
Take care of yourself: get enough sleep, eat properly, limit caffeine and alcohol, and plan for your own recharge time.
Make a plan to avoid or use healthy coping skills with triggers.
Too disappointed - Disappointment
You may find yourself disappointed with where you are in life right now. Perhaps it doesn’t look the way you hoped it would. The holiday may remind you that yet another year has passed without meeting a specific goal. Perhaps your life has gone through dramatic change this year. Feelings of loss, grief, bitterness, or resentment about how your life has changed may fill you with disappointment.
Helpful Tips:
Practice gratitude - even techniques like "Three Good Things" can help change the trajectory of the day.
Practice cognitive restructuring by using the technique: Catch - Challenge - Change
Acknowledge those disappointments and the feelings they bring up. Use your values to structure your next steps.
Celebrate your successes and give yourself credit for your own personal growth.
Remember "Two things can be true", you can feel unsatisfied in a particular area and yet still be working to improve that area. If these topics or tips brought up any themes you feel are challenging to you, let's chat. It's ok to not be ok, it's just not ok to stay there.
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